(Firstly, I should mention that, by the nature of this topic, it falls under Your Mileage May Vary)

During my recent writing sabbatical, I was handed a golden-ticket opportunity to take leave from my full-time job, and focus exclusively on my writing. Awesome stuff. Did the right thing, planned my goals and worked my butt off to reach them.

Not only did I get to work on my dream job, this sabbatical had another fantastic benefit. I was lucky enough to switch roles with my spouse and take on most of the parenting of our toddler. She got to increase her involvement in the workforce, while I spent more time with our gorgeous little boy. I will always be grateful for this experience, and will be a little sad when I put on my workclothes and return to the world of commuting and punchclocks.

Having said that, there were times when it was as hard as hell. I’ve never done anything like this before, and friends could testify that I can barely look after myself, let alone another human being 🙂 and I should state for the record that for two of these days, the boy was in child-care, to lock in a good window for my writing. So I only really had solo care of the boy for 3-4 days a week. I’ve got nothing but admiration for those parents who are not only full-time carers of the littlies 7 days a week, but work/study from home AND write fiction full-time. It astounds me, and having had a brief taste of their lives, it confirms how awesome and brave these people really are.

It is also a bit dangerous for one’s sanity. What you’ve got here is the double-whammy. Full-time writing is one of the most socially isolating career choices. Better people than me have gone bonkers after 6 months to a year of doing this, and being the primary carer of a kid is even worse. Cabin fever is a real possibility, and I’ll admit there came a point where I really struggled with the parenting aspect. There are so many resources for new parents, mother’s groups, the whole kit-and-caboodle. But coming in late to things and doing the Great Swap, it’s really easy to get a bit lost. Especially if you’ve been the auxilliary parent, and are now stepping up to the plate for the first time.

It’s awesome, being Daddy Day-Care. I would do it all over again, no hesitation. But here is some hard-won advice I would pass on to anyone thinking of combining writing with parenting for the first time:

Make use of your support networks – get a respite now and then. In this regard, your mother-in-law is an angel sent from heaven.

Look after your partner – they’re probably as worn out as you, especially if they’ve gone back to work from parenting. Culture shock! Do lots of nice things. Don’t forget this.

Don’t hold stuff in till you explode – if something is bothering/confusing/upsetting you about the kid-wrangling, try having a chat with your partner 🙂 chances are, It’s All Okay.

Don’t forget to be an adult – even if it’s once a month, arrange a catch-up with your friends and colleagues, sans kid. Just a bit of this stuff staves off the cabin fever!

Get a routine and stick to it – if you’re hopeless like me, get your better half to draft up a schedule. This helps dissolve all instances of “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

Get out of the house more often – nuff said. Lots of great activities out there to keep you and kid happy 🙂

Don’t be afraid to just let the wheels fall off – There will be times when you have a filthy house, everything went wrong that day, and you may as well have stayed in bed. It’s all good! Write it off, try again the next day.

 So yeah, not saying I’ve been a Perfect Parent during this time. Hoo boy, far from it. I have dropped a lot of balls, doubted myself constantly and gone around the bend and back again. But now more than ever, I definitely appreciate what my spouse has been through since day 1. She is an absolute hero, no question! End result, one happy well-adjusted kid, two slightly frazzled parents. No matter what hats we are wearing at the time, that much hasn’t changed 🙂