December, 2010:
If it’s good enough for Tolkien, it’s good enough for me.
I recently shared a bunch of old maps from my journeyman days, and briefly made mention of Tusk, the infamous “telepathic elephants enslave mankind” novel. The ultimate trunk-story, as it were. Poking around in these old folders, I also found an old amateur moment, shared here for your amusement. Yes, I invented a language for my elephant race. Not only that, a complex numeric system, and methods and devices for them to write, trunks being less nimble than human fingers. From memory, I spent WEEKS on this. Again, a great example of how too much time down the rabbit-hole of Research is not necessarily a good thing.
This sort of thing is best left to the experts. Namely, professors in Language and Literature. If Tolkien saw the following attempt at inventing a written fantasy language, he’d probably roll around in his grave: (more…)
Here, have a bonus Christmas story.
As mentioned previously, I wrote a new zombie story for Chuck McKenzie’s zombietastic Necroscope blog, called “Goodnights to Heaven”. The goal was to come up with a christmas-themed tale of the undead, the result of which can be read at this link:
http://zombiefictionreview.blogspot.com/2010/12/fiction-goodnights-to-heaven.html
May you all have a relaxing Christmas, and it is my sincerest wish that your barricades hold off the corpse hordes long enough for you to enjoy a pudding and a brandy 
Today’s New Definition
Fisch-Kringle, n, (f
sh-krng
g
l):
An annual experience. Used when Jason Fischer draws your name out of the hat for the office Secret Santa, and leaves it to the very VERY last minute to dash out and purchase the required gift. Attempts to disguise himself as the secret santa are instantly detected (like the time he bought everything in fluffy pink, so the recipient would think their secret santa was a female). He does this every year without fail.
Because you GOTTA HAVE A MAP!
I had recent cause to pore through my story-trunk, which is almost always a cringe-worthy exercise, followed by the opportunity to have a good laugh at my past self. For those unfamiliar with the term, a story-trunk is the repository of one’s failed writings, the term dating back to the time when the aspiring writer most likely had an actual chest or locker, stuffed full of bound manuscripts, rejection slips and gallons of tears. Sometimes this would be the bottom drawer, a tea chest in the shed, or a cobweb-wreathed filing cabinet. These days, the story-trunk is usually a folder on one’s hard-drive, an innocuous icon hiding a multitude of writing sins.
Prior to my recent incarnation as a short-story writer, I had any number of practice novels under my belt. And ye GODS, these things are bloody awful. Sigh. Still, we all gotta start somewhere, and I was well on my way to “write a million words before you stop sucking” by about 2005 or so. I look fondly on these books, as if they were a dodgy uncle at a family BBQ – they’re embarrassing, but at the end of the day they’re still family. No regrets, dudes.
In amongst my newbie fantasy novels are a whole swag of maps, lovingly adorned with various details. Because if you’re gonna suckle from Tolkien’s teat, you may as well indulge in some amateur cartography. I’ve included some for your amusement:
Around about the time I discovered Terry Pratchett, I decided that humorous fantasy was definitely my thing. Hence, the Woven World, a Pratchett-esque world springing from the knitting needles of the oblivious Aunt Gladys, aka God. I remember the mystical kingdom of Strailyer, famous for its chain-mail wearing bogans, hurling boomerangs and beer-cans at their foes. Glorious. My main protagonist was Chronick the Teutonic, wielder of the disastrous Scheissenhammer.
Here’s some more classics from ye olde story-trunk:
Undead Camels Ate This Podcast
Heya folks,
I made a promise a while back that a couple of stocking stuffers were heading your way, courtesy of my good self. One of these fiction-related gifts is going live on Christmas Eve, but here’s an early pressie for those who’ve been good (or bad, or aggressively neutral). Over at the Terra Incognita Speculative Fiction podcast, the annual Christmas special has been released. This year’s offering contains my reading of the infamous “Undead Camels Ate Their Flesh”, my first pro-sale from Jack Dann’s Dreaming Again anthology. Even cooler, I share this aural offering with good friend and Clarion South tutor Lee Battersby, who reads “In From The Snow”, his horror-licious tale from the same collection. It’s a damn good tale, was a well-deserved Aurealis finalist, and blends with my tale of dromedary death like PB&J.
Prep your I-pods, and prepare for a pincer movement to the brain. It’s story-time.
http://www.tisf.com.au/ (or via I-Tunes)
(Never have I gotten more mileage from a picture…courtesy of Jess Irwin)
Birthday boys
A belated birthday present from the good Mrs Fisch was a trip to see musician Jeff Martin (of Tea Party fame) doing a live set with Terepai Richmond (of the Whitlams and just about everyone else). It was AWESOME. We went to tea beforehand, and I walked in to see a whole bunch of my nearest and dearest assembled. They got me, and got me good, and if anyone can pull off a surprise party without their oblivious hubby figuring it out, it’s my darling wife.
The girls got a bit messy towards the end of things, but somehow this was just right. A fantastic night of good food, good friends and damn good music.
And the next day, Toddler Fisch celebrated his 2nd birthday, and I realised I’ve got just about anything a guy could want Happy birthday my beaut little lad, may the next year bring you as much joy as you have bought us!
Online Book Launch – “An Eclectic Slice of Life”
Today marks the official launch of “An Eclectic Slice of Life”, a new anthology which is the brain-child of Eclecticism E-Zine editor Craig Bezant. I’m pleased to say that I have two stories in this book, “Houndkin” (reprinted from the e-zine), and new story “The Ward of Hours”, which is written in the same setting as my Writers of the Future winning story “The House of Nameless”. I share space in this book with authors such as Simon Petrie, Alice Godwin, and award-winning British horror writer Joseph D’Lacey. Given the diasporic locations of the book’s contributors, Dark Prints Press have decided to hold an online book launch, with all sorts of fun stuff popping up during the launch. I’ll let them explain it:
***
“Sunday marks the release date for Dark Prints Press’s first publication, the anthology ‘An Eclectic Slice of Life’. To mark the special occasion, we are hosting an online launch party. Since the fourteen contributors are scattered across the globe, this is the best way to get them together. You can read excerpts from each story in the anthology, and there will be fun links to many stories (such as crazy websites, videos, and flash games).
The online launch will be via the Dark Prints Press Facebook page, from 3-5pm this Sunday (12/12/2010), Perth, Western Australia time. That’s GMT+0800, so if you are in the eastern states of Australia, it will be ~6pm (daylight savings), NZ ~8pm, UK ~7am, US 11pm (Sat – LA) to 2am (NY). The Dark Prints Press Facebook page is here: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dark-Prints-Press/162390353801760
If you don’t have access to Facebook, you can join in at this news blog, The Realm of Dark Prints Press: http://darkprintspress.blogspot.com You shouldn’t need a blogger account to comment here, and I will try to respond to comments as often as possible. All posts will cross between the two sites.
Remember, this only goes for 2 hours, but you are welcome to visit later and drop a comment. Hurray, the anthology will finally be released!
**** AS A SPECIAL THANKS FOR DROPPING BY – FOR THE LAUNCH DAY ONLY, IF YOU ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE ANTHOLOGY, YOU WILL RECEIVE 30% OFF THE RRP; AND THEN FOR THE REST OF DECEMBER, THERE WILL BE 20% OFF. SWEET! ****”